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[24 Jul 2002|05:54pm] |
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Atlantis is fantastic. I'm having the time of my life here, I don't ever wanna come home. I just wanna stay here with the ocean and the sand and Lance and the dolphins and the boats and Lance and the sun and the flip-flops and Lance . .
But I will come home. Soon, actually. I have Challenge this weekend. I wish we had time to take an extended honeymoon, but I wouldn't miss this event for the world.
After that I'm just gonna chill and do normal-type stuff like buy dishes. We don't even have dishes, we're never home, and when we are, half the time we eat take-out. I'm like "Man, we need forks". So, dishes.
And I'm gonna go out to L.A in early August, catch one of Marc Anthony's shows to see Tony. He probably thinks I'm just coming because he bitched and now I feel guilty, but I do want to go.
And gotta catch Joe in Rent. When's opening night anyway?
But enough thinking. I only have a little honeymoon time left, and I'm not going to spend it on the computer, that's for sure. I'm out, peace.
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[20 Jul 2002|11:44pm] |
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Hello from New Orleans.
We're spending a night here, waiting for a morning charter flight to the Bahamas. Which beats waiting for a 2 am connecting flight.
Lance is in the shower, probably washing off the lipstick imprints of all the aunts who kissed him today, and I discovered this room (well, this presidential suite. Don't worry, we have a big honeymoon suite reserved at Atlantis) had internet access, so here I am. I'm tired, but it's a good kind of tired, a happy tired.
Thank you to everyone who showed up today to share it with us and to everyone who wished us well. You brought more smiles than you know.
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[20 Jul 2002|08:06pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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Well, Justin was right.
As soon as everything got going and the ceremony was underway, I managed to calm down. Seeing Lance and seeing him all dressed up and smiling and happy and surrounded by the guys and our families, it was just, so perfect. I can't even describe it.
I don't even think I heard half of what the minister said. It's a good thing Lance was the first one to reply when we were supposed to say things, or else I would have missed my cues.
I caught Chris acting like he was going to raise his hand when the minister asked for objections, but he was just kidding. I think my look of death was enough to stop him from actually doing it :)
And when it was done, and the minister said we were married, I didn't even wait for him to say we could kiss before I was pulling Lance close and kissing him passionately. Everybody had a good laugh at that, but I didn't even care, I was just so happy.
And now, we party. There's a big reception here at Stacy and Ford's (and thank you to you two for hosting this shindig) that'll probably continue into the wee hours of night, long after Lance and I are gone, heading for Atlantis for a honeymoon.
I've held this party up long enough talking to Tony. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go dance with my new husband.
And my god, I love that phrase.
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[20 Jul 2002|02:34pm] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
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It's almost time, we have a three o' clock ceremony planned, if all goes according to plan, which it looks like it is. I'm so nervous I can't even sit still, so I'm here, just trying to channel some nervous energy.
I don't understand Tony. I'm not sure I want to understand Tony right now. I don't know why he did what he did, or what's going through his head. He kisses me, and then all he can say is "fuck you"? And then he leaves and I can't get ahold of him. Fine. If he wants to pull a stunt like that, fine. I'm not letting it get in the way of what's happening today. I will talk to him when he gets his head out of his ass. But not now. Not today.
I probably freaked Lance out last night. Actually I know I did. But he's good at reading me and he didn't press, and I will tell him what happened later. He doesn't need to know right now. It doesn't change anything.
I'm here and I'm ready and I'm dressed. Although I cannot for the life of me tie this bow tie because my hands are shaking so badly, and I'm hoping Justin or somebody will show himself sometime soon and help me here.
Just a half hour left. It's funny, normally when I'm feeling like this my instinct is to seek out Lance, but I can't do that today. He's the cause of this. But I know I'll be fine once I see him again, at the altar.
Oh my god. This is really happening.
*grins*
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[19 Jul 2002|06:44pm] |
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 hopeful |
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I'm getting married tomorrow.
Oh my Lord. It just hit me.
I was starting to feel like this day would never get here, and now it is, and I don't want it to be here.
I'm sad to see this end. There's no more flirtation, finding out if somebody feels the same way about you as you do about them. There will never be another first kiss, another first date, the first time you say "I love you", the first time you make love. All those firsts are over, and I will never have them again with anybody else.
And I couldn't be happier about it. It's a whole new experience, something I have never done before, and I have no idea what to expect, or any idea of what it's going to be like. It's exciting and terrifying. There's nothing left to do but just jump into the unknown.
The biggest comfort I have is knowing he's right there with me, holding my hand, as I'm falling.
We'll probably crash land a few times. But a few bumps and bruises . . I can handle that. It's worth it.
HE'S worth it.
And I can't get the theme from "Mad About You" out of my head.
Tell me why I love you like I do, tell me who can stop my heart as much as you, tell me all your secrets and I'll tell you most of mine, they say nobody's perfect, well that's really true this time, cause I don't have the answers and I don't have a plan, so tell me baby help me understand, what we do, you can whisper in my ear, where we go, well who really knows from here, we'll just take each other's hand as we jump into the final frontier, I'm mad about you, baby . .
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[14 Jul 2002|02:13am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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Fuck that.
They've been throwing darts at us all day. We laugh. We decide to join the fun, I make us a dartboard.
A friendly insult war turns vicious and now I'm the one they want to carve engravings on. And I'm not the one who started that. It just took a bad turn and you know, once you diss MY brothers, you can bet I'm gonna try and defend them. And you don't wanna be the one to back down first.
You guys can stick up for your own but I can't? And now I'm basically going to be ostracized for it? While Justin gets to do the same and walk away unharmed, just cause you like chasing him with gold clubs?
FUCK THAT.
I thought we were friends, McLean. I thought wrong.
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[14 Jul 2002|12:43am] |
Hey Justin! New toy!
(just a little joke, fellas. No harm intended)
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[10 Jul 2002|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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I'm actually watching this Driven thing last night (wanted to see what everyone said about us!) and I still get angry when I'm reminded of the fact Lance was nearly a deal-breaker. How could they ask that of us? To get rid of someone who had poured so much effort into the group, who had tried so hard, who we'd grown to love, who I'd fallen in love with, without a second thought?
But obviously we didn't. We stuck together. Lance goes or none of us go. We're family. We weren't about to let him leave.
I wasn't going to let him leave.
It's like . . your hand.
Yeah.
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[06 Jul 2002|06:27pm] |
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mood |
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 embarrassed |
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Oh. Um. Chris.
We're getting married July 20th.
Just thought you'd like to know.
*sheepish smile*
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[02 Jul 2002|10:56pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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All right, wedding, take two.
We're gonna try for the weekend before CTFC. July 20th. It's not gonna be a huge shindig, because Lance and I just want to do this quickly. We haven't worked out an invite list or anything. Talked to Tony last night, made sure he could be there to stand up there with me. Need to check with Justin as well.
I'm glad Lance and I finally seem to be at the same place at the same time now (not quoting Britney, FYI), wedding-wise. I just hope he's not rushing into this just because he wants to feel happy again. We connected a little bit the other night, I felt like I got through part of his wall, he let me break through. I just don't want any walls. At all.
And it appears Lance's ferret has run away. Oh come on, Dirk. Lance does not need this right now.
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[01 Jul 2002|12:25am] |
*grins*
o/~ What can't we face if we're together, there's nothing in this world that we can't weather, apocalypse, we've all been there, the same old trips, why should we care . . o/~
Okay, maybe we didn't do the apocalypse. But hey, musical.
What do I wanna do for our wedding?
Marry you. I don't give a damn about all the rest of it. I just want you, the guys, our family. Tony, Wade. A few close friends. And oh, a cake. And a first dance.
What do you want to do? Any special requests?
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[30 Jun 2002|12:35pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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So, Lance.
We slept in, I made you breakfast without burning it (since technically, crispy is not burnt), and we're showered and dressed.
Chris and Joey are gone sightseeing (in Mississippi? Whatever.) Justin and Wade aren't here yet. Your family's off doing your family type things.
It's just me and you, babe.
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[28 Jun 2002|02:42am] |
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Um. Lance. Baby.
What are you doing?
Perhaps Nick Carter would be able to explain as well.
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| Mississippi in the middle of a dry spell . . |
[26 Jun 2002|05:14am] |
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mood |
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 relaxed |
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Something I noticed about Mississippi . . . life sure moves slow here. Like molasses. I kinda like it. Everybody sounds like Lance when he lets his accent slip back in - all draw-ly and, well, slow! But a good slow.
We're just making the rounds . . seeing the Bass clan. Checking in with Diane and Jim, and seeing Stacy and Ford. And of course the ferret is more than thrilled to see Lance again. Although not as thrilled as when I tried to feed it the grits that I just can't stand eating. I think when the ferret won't eat the food - it's a sign that it's not meant for human consumption!
It's nice living without a schedule. We can just hang. Because there's an art to hanging out you know. I think today I'm gonna bug Lance to take me down to the "ol' swimmin' hole". He doesn't call it that, I do, just to be difficult.
Lance is kinda . . withdrawn though. I mean, he's here, but sometimes I feel like his mind is a million miles away and I feel like asking him "What's it like where you are?" but I'm kind of afraid of the answer.
And talked to Joe on the phone last night. . . he kinda hit a rough spot, him and Chris. Will hopefully see Michelle soon, Lance and I have both invited her out to dinner when we're in Orlando. I know she shoots the Creek in Wilmington, but she's obviously on hiatus right now. And maybe Justin and Wade''ll stop by on their Road Trip Of Doom. I don't know why I just called it that.
And hopefully this entry has made Michelle happy, since she gets excited every time I update.
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[25 Jun 2002|01:20pm] |
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</i>"NSYNC star CHRIS KIRKPATRICK has broken his wrist after falling over in a charity baseball match and is now bored stiff. He moaned: It has affected everything I love to do. No motorcycles, no golf and I don�t know what I�m going to do now I can�t play video games."</i>
No wonder you didn't wanna admit to it, Chris. I mean, falling over. That's not even cool, like punching a wall. And really, it's a GOOD thing that you're not able to play golf. I don't think you needed to set another course record for highest score in a single day. ;)
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[24 Jun 2002|04:49am] |
Crap.
Oddest. Dream. Ever.
I have the funniest feeling I need to hide from AJ and Kevin. And that Michelle Williams might be trying to replace Chris.
Weird.
[Note: Tune in next time for When Popstars Attack, coming soon to FOX. No popstars were harmed in the making of this special. This has been a production of Extreme Boredom, in association with A Happy Place.]
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[24 Jun 2002|02:00am] |
So, Justin.
Who do we kill for fun around here?
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[22 Jun 2002|03:54am] |
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Lance and I are fine now. In case anyone was worried.
Not that I was. Not me. Nope.
He's actually seriously considering calling his space trip off. . . he knows I'd support him either way, so it's his decision. I'm pretty sure he's gonna stay.
Here. With me.
Which makes me so unbelievably happy, to not have to share him for six months with the Russians. I'd be happier, but I know how badly he wanted this. It's gotta hurt a lot to give it up, having come so close. I just hope he doesn't try and keep it all inside, put on a brave face for me. I don't want him to close any part of himself off. Not to me. We kind of have the whole "when you hurt I hurt" deal going.
And Britney's back. My little Mouse Whore Sibling. I miss her when she's not around. Me, her and Justin - we've just been through so much together. There is nobody else in the world that shares that odd bond that the three of us do. The Evil Mousketriplets. This is not dissing Tony or Christina or Ryan or Keri or anyone else who was on Mouse Club with us. . it's just that you know, the three of us spend insane amounts of time together. It's comfort. Like chocolate.
And my devoted beard, Emmanuelle, has popped back on the scene as well. She's got great timing. Nice to see ya, Emmy. I'll keep my drunken hands to myself ;)
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[17 Jun 2002|06:27pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Silence waking up.
Silence getting ready.
Silence eating breakfast.
Silence finally broken when Lance says "bye" before going off to meetings.
And now it's silent again.
I really hate silence.
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[16 Jun 2002|01:40am] |
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 annoyed |
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*grabs his pillow and a blanket off the bed*
*tapes a note to the door for Lance to find when he comes home*
Have a good night. I'll leave the door open for you when you come back.
*goes to sleep in the guest room*
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